Welcome back to my blog everyone! It’s been awhile since I’ve written. I caught an intense case of writer’s block.
Progress is happening. I don’t have to take breaks at work, and I had a successful (solo) travel home for Easter weekend. GO ME! You’d think I’d be the happiest camper ever and you would be about 20% correct. I’m really grateful for the things I’m able to do now. But I want more. I want to close this chapter of my life and move on. Climb literal mountains. Go back to school. Run actual marathons. And these things I want, they give me anxiety. Especially thinking about going back to school. Because if school started tomorrow, I would not feel well enough to enroll again. Of course I’ve tried to reason through every possible scenario, and I have absolutely no idea what my life will look like in August. Maybe I’ll be in school and maybe I won’t. And if I won’t be, I have no idea what I’ll be doing instead.
There’s really nothing I can do about how I’m going to feel down the road. Wanting more, pursuing happiness and dreams, that’s all fine and dandy. But when push comes to shove, dreams don’t always come true and you can really wear yourself out on the pursuit to happiness. I have caught myself saying several times over the course of my recovery, “I would be so happy if I could just do this…” or “I could be happy if I didn’t have a headache…” And I can say from experience, it is hard to be happy when you feel crappy for months on end.
So I’m doing this radical thing in May: I’m focusing on living in the present. Living in the present means finding joy in life. Joy, unlike happiness, is an internal feeling. You don’t have to chase it, and it can be with you even when things aren’t going your way.
Obviously the first thing I thought of when I decided to make this my focus for May was going on a month long sugar detox. WHAT??That’s right, I’m not eating anything with added sugar in it. WHY?? Well these crazy health nuts (that have written books and such) think that cutting out sugar can reduce headaches. So I might as well try it? Except I should say that yesterday I ate a little chocolate bunny after dinner (it was my last piece of Easter candy, I couldn’t just let it go to waste), and I’m not giving up bread because that would be crazy.
I found this recipe on the internet for “cauliflower rice”. Apparently this is a thing that people eat to trick themselves into thinking that cauliflower is a good substitute for fried rice. Naturally, if I really want to call myself a sugar detox pro, I would need this in my arsenal. All the sugar detox websites rave about it. Honestly it sounded like a lot of work. You have to put the cauliflower in the food processer to rice it (not to mention cleaning the food processer). But then something crazy happened while I was at Trader Joes. I was looking for mushrooms and found this gem…
Trader Joe’s has riced cauliflower. For some reason this really blew my mind. In all the months I struggled at the grocery store as a zombie staring at the floor, I missed the fact that riced cauliflower has become mainstream.
That’s basically all for now, if you managed to read through the paragraph I spent talking about cauliflower. I’m going to be posting more this month on a variety of things so get ready for that!